Why I Want to Fight Someone. Or, How to Overcome Fear

I mentioned in my last post that Brad & I have a “DC Bucket List” to accomplish before we move. We marked number 15 on the list this weekend with a quick trip to Annapolis.

DC Bucket List

We stayed at an AirBnB (if you haven’t used AirBnB yet for travel, I highly suggest it), where we met a fellow Texan and her lovely dog, Loki.

My favorite feature of Annapolis was the age of the city itself. As someone who grew up in a “younger” state, it’s always fun to see buildings and streets that were created in just the very beginning of our country.

Here are some pretty photos of things that we saw:

 

One highlight was dinner at Reynolds Tavern, built in 1747. The food was delicious, but the conversation was even better.

I am a sucker for the New York Times’ Modern Love section, which is how I found out about this app: Love Actualized.

The app provides 36 questions that you and a partner can pose to one another with the goal of falling in love. Thankfully, Brad and I have already fallen in love (whew! I knew you were worried for a second). But, I thought it would be a great way to have a deeper conversation.

Some of the questions we skipped (such as “When was the last time you sang to yourself? To someone else?” Spoiler: Brad sings ALL THE TIME. Mainly songs he creates).

But others were really fun, like “For what in your life do you feel most grateful?”

The question I remember the most though is: “Is there something you’ve dreamed about doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?”

Brad’s answer made sense: Learn to play the electric guitar. Mine was rather out of the blue possibly. I want to learn how to fight. 

Before you get all shocked and appalled and remind me that #lovewins, let me clarify. I’ve lived by myself numerous times and often in big cities. That meant that I didn’t always feel safe.

It’s not that I want to beat someone up for sport; I want to be able to defend myself.

But then I realized that it’s not only defending myself, but it’s that I don’t want to be afraid.

Not all fear is bad. The fear that makes me grab my car key between two of my fingers in case I need to gouge an attacker’s eyes out is a good fear. But it’s still a fear, and I like conquering fears.

The reason that I resorted to using an app to help our dinner conversation is that I have a hard time opening up. I have difficulty expressing myself to others verbally (I believe that’s a side effect of being an INFJ). But I also have a fear of letting others see my weaknesses.

This blog is helping me overcome that fear. I want you (anyone reading this) to view me as witty, smart, capable and talented. But that’s not the point of this blog. So every time I sit down to write, I have to take off the second skin, the one that covers my true self.

Instead, I’ll try to show you the person who fears, hopes and makes mistakes. I hope to put my true self out there for you to see, with the hope that you’ll be able to see a bit of yourself in the words. As the famous quote goes, “Writing is easy. You just open a vein and bleed.”

Fear is not bad as long as you don’t let it rule your life. I’m going to attempt to be a little less afraid of the shadows in the night (while still being cautious and perhaps taking a self-defense class). And I’ll work on shedding that second skin for good.

If you’re interested in utilizing Love Actualized. If you’re interested in mocking Love Actualized.

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